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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26769868">(debut);</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>onetober prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ONEUS (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Multi, Seoho is Bad at Feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:42:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26769868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in which seoho realizes that what he felt all along was a tricky four-letter word that signifies complex emotion and unpredictability—two things that don't mix well with seoho.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Kim Youngjo | Ravn/Lee Seoho, Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Lee Seoho, Kim Youngjo | Ravn/Lee Seoho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>onetober prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953574</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(debut);</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi!! mem here :) i wrote this at 1am under the sleepy influence of benadryl bc i got an allergic reaction earlier LOL so please bear w me if this sounds a little wonky as im too sleepy to beta read it myself ;;</p>
<p>anyways i hope you enjoy! i'm doing little ficlets to write out the weus onetober prompts that <a href="https://twitter.com/jun__wns">jun</a> made! please do check them (and him) out :)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/jun__wns/status/1311478111381467140?s=20">the onetober prompts</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
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</p>
<p>     seoho doesn't think too much of it at first. it's a slow, trickling feeling that pours out of his body every time he practices chords each morning. it spills out in large bursts, burning him, whenever youngjo walks by the soundproof vocal room, tapping on the window in a corner of the wall, waving at him and smiling that pleasant smile of his. seoho feels his stomach lurching whenever geonhak leans over to stare at what he's scrolling through on the shared twitter account, practically barren since it's only been days since their debut.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>the feeling warms his chest, spreading, virus-like, as if it were infecting his limbs so that they felt like jelly, useless and hanging and unable to function. it feels like a fever, but when he presses his fingers to his forehead sharply, all he feels is  cold, clammy after-practice sweat on his forehead. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he feels sick, so he takes a little longer in their shared restroom to figure out whether it's nausea or a stomachache. after thirty minutes or so, dongju slams his fists on the door repeatedly, yelling at him to hurry it up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>❦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     seoho feels the dizzy rush of unexpected heat again after their first pre-recorded stage of valkyrie on mnet, when they're all backstage resting and youngjo leans in to kiss his neck, as per youngjo's protocol of sending endless love onto his members, while geonhak simultaneously crumples in place to rest his pounding head onto seoho's shoulder. it's practically a hyung-line sandwich, and while the thought of it is amusing to him, he feels like he's suffocating because of the close proximity. so, before youngjo kisses him and before geonhak leans onto his shoulder and before he feels like he'll detonate in an awkward, irritated explosion, seoho shakes the both of them off, standing up so abruptly that keonhee and hwanwoong halted their conversation to turn and gauge what had happened. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>seoho glances back, wondering just how much damage was inflicted. geonhak looks affronted and youngjo is pouting, so he guesses that it isn't that bad. he takes two quick strides across their small resting space to sit next to dongju, who's napping tranquilly in his stage costume. seoho sits cross legged next to their maknae's outstretched body, knees soaking in dongju's body heat. he feels much less stifled than before; he's fine with heat like this, that falls into a gentle simmer. the rush of sparks and hot air crackling in and around his face when he sat in between geonhak and youngjo is just too much for him to handle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>seoho ends up playing with dongju's hair, brushing his fingers through it and twirling some of the brunette strands gently around his index. he feels a piercing stab of focused heat, as if someone were focusing a magnifying glass on him and directing sunlight onto his shoulder with it. it burnt, and he swore he could feel the crisp, bitter scent of it. but he doesn't look up because he doesn't think he'll be able to handle what will happen afterwards. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he must've tugged a bit too hard on dongju's hair, though, because dongju turns over with a fussy expression on his sleep-riddled face. seoho thinks it's cute—their maknae is always cute—and pinches his cheeks until dongju screeches at him, speech muffled and ears red.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>agonizingly enough, he feels two magnifying glasses focused on him now, the sunlight growing more intense than before. it's almost too intense for him to bear. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>seoho looks down, wrings his hands together, and runs from geonhak and youngjo's pointed stares. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>❦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     fast forward a few days into the future and nothing has really changed except that the sick feeling seoho's been feeling intensifies even more after geonhak playfully wraps his arms around seoho's waist while he's doing dishes. youngjo lets out a low whistle when he deposits his dish—the last dish—and seoho decides to ignore it in favor of politely shoving geonhak off of him. seoho wonders why he's always paired with the other two lately. the respective groups have been split in half, with the younger members ditching the older ones to do whatever it is they do together. seoho wishes they'd invite him or something, because he's had enough of feeling like he's queasy whenever he's around geonhak and youngjo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>he's not quite sure how it started—oh, and that's right, geonhak's arms are still around his waist and seoho's been too involved in his head that he's stopped washing the dishes. he shuts off the tap—not even halfway through—wipes his hands on a towel, and slips out of geonhak's tight grip. <em>tries to slip out of his grip</em>, that is. seoho has no idea why<em> geonhak feels like crushing him tonight, but he wishes he'd would stop because it's uncomfortable</em>, and seoho says as much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>as soon as the words slip out of his mouth, reality starts to spin around, as if he's on a carousel that's spinning three times the normal speed. he feels dizzy, and all he can think is i didn't mean to say that. seoho feels the urge to apologize, but geonhak's already let him go with a concerned expression on his face. seoho feels his stomach knot itself over and over, squeezing tight in his chest and giving him a migraine. he hates that face, hates the rush of severe heat it makes him feel, and he scurries out (because if there's anything that's remotely seoho, it's avoiding confrontation) and doesn't look back. he thinks he sees youngjo's head bob up to stare at his receding, slouches figure. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he laughs at how incredibly stupid this all is once he flops down onto his (kind of gross) bed, unceremoniously disrupting the heavy debate about ghosts the three younger members are having. seoho hears them shush each other, and silence stretches for a good two minutes. like he always does to waive the attention off of himself, he ignores it and pretends he's an undiscovered island, separate and hid away from everyone else. as if it never stopped, the ghost conversation picks up without a hitch and seoho pulls his plain white covers over his back and shuts his eyes, tugging roughly at a few strands of his hair while sinking deep, deep into himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>hours later, when it's lights out and everyone's sleeping, seoho fights his stubborn wakefulness in order to catch at least an hour of sleep before tomorrow, when they have a reality tv show scheduled early in the morning. he whines in irritation when the queasy feeling from earlier, the looping, delicate love knots in his chest, don't disappear even after so long. he rips his covers off and tiptoes out of their shared sleeping space, careful to miss the floorboards that creak so he won't wake up the lighter-sleepers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>when he gets to the door, he feels as if he's being watched, and suddenly the nausea is back twofold because he thinks he knows who it is.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>❦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     seoho isn't stupid. if anything, he's slightly air-headed and somewhat reckless. but overall, seoho's a very cautious, logical man, and he gets to things by using common sense and sharp problem-solving skills. he thinks of the world as if it's one big, simple syllogism: <em>if a equals b and b equals c, then a equals c</em>. so when his perfectly predictable logical puzzle gets thrown off course because all of its pieces are scattered, seoho has no idea what to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>his head is in disarray, and he doesn't know how to get from <em>point a to point b</em> because he didn't predict the nuisance of complex emotions that ruin his train of thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>when he first became an idol, he'd thought the process to be fairly straightforward. if he trains, he develops skills necessary to succeed. factor in survival shows and strenuous practice routines, he benefits even more. it made sense to him that, with an immense amount of hard work and a little sprinkle of luck on his side, he debuted with oneus. the input matched the output, clean and simple. what seoho didn't account for was the individual behaviors of his groupmates. youngjo is particularly handsy, and seoho never quite got used to it when they were trainees, still isn't used to it even now. between the lingering touches on his shoulder and waist, the small pecks on his cheek and neck, and the whispered <em>i love you</em>'s that sound way too intimate for his liking, he just can't get used to it. youngjo makes seoho feel tingly, like he's getting hives all over his body. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>which is exactly how he feels right now. seoho finds himself cuddling with youngjo on the couch, against his will. they're all watching a movie together, since it's saturday night, and saturday nights when they have no schedule are reserved specially for movie nights. they're watching frozen 2 right now, elsa in full view on their small screen tv. instead of focusing on the musical score that's playing through their cruddy speaker, seoho is preoccupied with conspicuously shimmying out of youngjo's warm hug around his stomach, pressing up lightly and gifting a gentle pressure over seoho that sends a wash of serenity over him, if only for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>then, as quickly as it showed up, the feeling disappears, and a vibrant wave of heat rash spreads across his epidermal layer, leaving him incredibly itchy and disgusted at the feeling. seoho practically wrenches youngjo's arm off of its perch on his stomach, hopping up from the couch with a bubbly smile and muttering <em>bathroom</em> as he, once again, retreats from battle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>he ignores the unsettled whimper he hears from youngjo and the questioning glances geonhak throws his way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>❦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     it isn't until days, <em>months</em>, later that seoho realizes, after a peck on his cheek, that what he feels is a rushed outburst of confined love. to be fair, he’s never been in love with anyone before. it just seemed so inefficient, so unpredictable and wonky at the time he was introduced to it, that he barely took note of it because it had been such an amusing idea. an emotion that would make him feel a constant oxymoron, one that couldn’t adhere to the sciences and logistics that seoho had been used to. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>he rules that his rashes were full-body blushes, and that the queasiness in his chest was just a placebo for romantic butterflies. he thinks it’s amusing, that his aversion to emotion is no match for love’s noose, and it draws him in, mysticizes his lovers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>it was a double-attack with confrontation, geonhak paving the way with his reckless, cutting accusations and youngjo smoothing out the cracks with praises andsoft questions, and for seoho’s part, he had been entirely defenseless. hadn’t even bothered to close the floodgates up. he’s convinced that he definitely had an inkling that his creeping, heat-hazed feelings were something of this nature—logic and common sense reign superior, after all. and so he sits comfortably this time, encapsulated in the incubator warmth of youngjo and geonhak, their arms messily grabbing him in the middle, wrapped around him like roots.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>and, after what seems like the longest time, seoho lets himself relax in their embrace, no pulling or pushing away, just relaxing. he submits to them with no problems whatsoever, because of a simple word with four letters. after all, that's just the nature of love.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ty for reading! comments and kudos are appreciated :)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/acrenmin">twitter</a><br/><a href="https://t.co/hBihD1uij7?amp=1">cc</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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